Day 30: When I’ve Lost My Way
/Jesus has 7 I AM statements in the book of John, and one of them is John 14:6: I am the way, the truth, and the life.
When someone declares something that they are, some neuroscience studies suggest that the identity literally attaches itself to one’s DNA/neurons/nonconscious/neural pathways. So when Jesus says I AM, we sit at attention and listen to what he’s about to declare himself as. In this case, he is the way.
Have you lost your way?
Has this last year, this last week, month, election cycle, decade, worn you out and spun you around so much that you’re not sure of what the way is anymore?
The third week of September 2020 was a long one. I had had sinus surgery the week before and so I was just back to work. I was tired. I also had promised my husband that I’d take pictures of an apache flight for him. He would come zooming down the river and I’d get some great shots with my Samsung S10. Both those things happened, but what happened after I took the 86 photos and videos is what I remember just as well as the mist hitting my face and phone as the rotors zoomed around and around. And it’s this:
Directions are just not my thing. I’m not a N/S/E/W gal; I’m a right/left/building-rock marker kind of gal. I swear to you that I followed the blue trail markers, that I walked the trail I have walked a dozen times before. And still, I turned myself around at least twice. I called my dad to stay on the phone with me because even when I’m 36 I like the protection of my daddy when my husband isn’t available (and as a military spouse, the husband is often not available!). So he’s on the phone with me and freaks out every time service cuts out. I said, “Listen, I am freaking out enough for the both of us. I need you to stay calm.” (Which he then did). Greg called at one point to see if I got the pictures and he could hear the panic in my voice. I had literally just come to a dead end. What does a dead-end look like in the woods? I don’t know that I have a complete answer, but I know I landed at one.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I lost my way,” I said.
After I took a breath and found the blue marker again, he said, “You keep walking that trail and I’ll head your way. If you’re not out by the time I get to the trail, I’ll come in and find you.”
I could have just bawled my eyes out right there. To know that it was getting darker and darker, I had lost my way, and that someone was on their way to get me? It felt like the most precious, important gift. (My dad agreed, and then politely requested that I never enter a trail by myself at dusk again. Fair enough.)
When you have lost your way, knowing that someone is coming for you is a key survival point. It makes all the difference. That’s what I love about having a relationship with Jesus; someone is always coming for me. Someone is always providing a way for me.
When parenting has me at my wit’s end.
When marriage feels weird and stressful.
When work feels pointless and tiring.
When my faith feels empty and futile.
When grief threatens a coupe.
When friendships feel far away.
When loneliness is front-and-center.
Jesus has a way. He has a way for all of it. Because he said so. Amen.
May you let Jesus meet you where you are today so he can show you the way.
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