Day 29: My Complicated Relationship with BUT
/I have a complicated relationship with the word but.
My least favorite sentences have but in the middle. For example, I love you but please clean up after yourself. makes the first half sound conditional on the second half.
Also, some big truths in my life come with the world but. For example, I can’t eat that cake you brought home from the store but I can eat these delicious homemade cookies over here.
A popular sentence in the western church is “But God.” My writer heart is like THAT’S NOT EVEN A FULL SENTENCE, but my faithful heart says, YES! BUT GOD!
You see my trouble here? I’m sure you do.
I like the words AND and ALSO. There is a terrific political organization called The AND Campaign Their tagline is Compassion & Conviction. I found them last year while working through some serious conflicts with what I value and what each mainstream political party here in the U.S. values vs. what it was/is displaying. I wanted to know that there was a way to care for unborn babies and scared moms who should feel in charge of their own bodies; I wanted to know there was a way to care about healthcare for all and my friends’ right to gun ownership. I wanted to see others living out beliefs that were not conflicting with my faith but would be better expressed with the word AND instead of BUT.
I love living in New York AND I desperately miss living in North Carolina.
I love being a mama (more than anything else I do!) AND I love solo time in the car.
I love you AND please pick up after yourself.
I love having you live here AND please wash the peanut butter off the knife before you put it in the dishwasher.
I love living in NY but I really miss NC.
I love being a mama but I love solo time in the car.
I love you but please pick up after yourself.
I love having you live here but please wash the PB off the knife before you put it in the dishwasher.
See how those are different? They read different, they sound different, they feel different. And the second half of each of those sentences is just as true as the first half, so why not join them with an AND?
What I always come back to, though, when I have this conversation with myself is that ultimately it doesn’t really matter when it comes to how I talk about God and his sovereignty. I know I said on Day 10 that words will have their way, and they absolutely will. Words matter. I also know that when I get too caught up in the but vs. the and vs. the also, I end up either not saying anything or saying too much of nothing that actually matters.
As I typed this entry, I said to my daughter: “It’ll be easier when there’s a table out here, but I don’t want to wait for a table to be out here.” It’s f-i-n-a-l-l-y warm enough outside that we can take our homeschool journey into the sunshine. HALLELUJAH. We’re sitting outside on her “playmat” (thick princess sleeping bag) and doing our work.
So sometimes BUT is appropriate. Sometimes AND works better. Sometimes ALSO is the best choice. At the end of the day, my daughter is still singing a made-up song about the joys of being in the sunshine so maybe all my careful wordsmithing doesn’t matter today and I’ll just go sing with her.
May your complicated relationship with words and feelings and figuring out the perfect way to say something take a back seat to relaxing into the sunshine today, whatever that sunshine looks like for you.
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