Why does this matter to me?
In our Friday Crew, we learned that everyone has a different response/reaction to life’s Defining Moments - the capital-D, capital-M Defining Moments that divide our lives into BEFORE this & AFTER that.
Maybe this year instead of making a resolution to do a specific thing or be a specific thing, maybe we start with being more curious and compassionate about the inner workings of ourselves…
…starting with figuring out WHY IT MATTERS. And we'll go from there.
Below is the main motivation for each type along with a healthy and unhealthy response to any Defining Moment. Your work will be to think of your last Defining Moment, how you responded, and how your motivation might have been at play. If you are comfortable with your response, great! If you think you could’ve responded better, consider the core motivation of your Enneagram type & connect some dots between how you responded, what actually matters to you, and how you could’ve responded better.
Enneagram 1
Core Motivation: Having integrity, being good, being accurate.
Unhealthy response: Insisting that your way is the only way.
Healthy response: Choosing curiosity over judgment for self & others, remain positive & optimistic.
Enneagram 2
Core Motivation: Being appreciated, loved, valued, worthy of love & attention.
Unhealthy response: Helping and serving in order to prove your worth.
Healthy response: Helping and serving in order to help and serve.
Enneagram 3
Core Motivation: Achievement, being admired, appearing successful, having respect.
Unhealthy response: Ignoring emotions, go-go-going like the Energizer Bunny, withdrawing from closest relationships.
Healthy response: Integrating emotions, rest, and vulnerability into your response.
Enneagram 4
Core Motivation: Being unique, special, seen, and loved for your real, authentic self.
Unhealthy response: Exaggerating and romanticizing the misunderstood aspects of the situation and your part in it.
Healthy response: Executing self-discipline in your emotions and principles as you selflessly care for others impacted by the situation.
Enneagram 5
Core Motivation: Being capable, confident, and not drained of energy.
Unhealthy response: Withdrawing for two reasons: to preserve energy and to hide perceived incompetence.
Healthy response: Engage with curiosity, show confident (not arrogance), honor what your body is communicating.
Enneagram 6
Core Motivation: Having security, guidance, support, and information.
Unhealthy response: Being driven by and paralyzed by anxiety such that a decision is nearly impossible to make.
Healthy response: Trust your inner discernment based on a balance of fact & faith, to include acting bravely for yourself & for others.
Enneagram 7
Core Motivation: Having fun, avoiding pain and boredom, remaining free
Unhealthy response: Avoiding the hard stuff so as to avoid the pain, making inappropriate jokes that don’t allow others to process safely and healthfully.
Healthy response: Walking through the hard one step at a time by remembering that it’s all temporary. Give yourself Fun Breaks while working through it.
Enneagram 8
Core Motivation: Justice for all, avoiding vulnerability or being controlled.
Unhealthy response: Steamrolling and/or bulldozing those around you & those connected to the situation.
Healthy response: Working collaboratively and compassionately through the difficulty.
Enneagram 9
Core Motivation: Peacekeeping & peacemaking, internally and externally.
Unhealthy response: Avoiding anything that stirs or continues conflict, internally and externally.
Healthy response: Share your insights and knowledge, boldly assert yourself through difficulties, follow-through with promises and assistance to the situation.