Knowing your Enneagram 9
In our Friday Crew, we learned a little something about Enneagram 9s.
The 9 is the blender - not the one that mixes everything up, but the one who blends into the background noise of her environment. She has spent a lot of time creating and keeping her space harmonious, and any big disruption to that could tip her over the proverbial edge. But she might not show you until she’s hanging on by a fingernail.
Oh, the Enneagram 9s.
The ones who teach us how to be non-judgmental.
The ones who teach us that peace is possible.
The ones who go to things like Peace Camp.
The ones who go along to get along and teach us purely by example - because they're far from preachy - that sometimes, going along to get along is the way to go.
The ones who fade into the background noise of their environment because that's more comfortable than trying to stand out on their own ground.
The peacekeeper.
The peacemaker.
The mediator.
The anonymous one.
The "Oh, I didn't even know you were there," or the one you think you know, then all of a sudden you realize: wait, I have no idea what she thinks about this.
The Enneagram 9 has spent her life thinking: my presence doesn't really matter so I'm just going to blend into the wallpaper here. Think they'll notice? No? No. Great. [deep breath of relief]
The Enneagram 9 is in the Gut Triad.
These folks DO before they think or feel.
They have a special ability to completely ignore their thoughts & feelings on any given subject because they just want things to stay peaceful & harmonious, that’s where the DOing comes in.
For example:
“Do you want Chinese or Italian for dinner?” Whatever you want is fine with me.
”Do you need anything at the grocery store?” [She’s out of apples, her favorite fruit, but…] Oh, I’m good, thanks.
”What should we stream on Netflix tonight?” [She’s been dying to see the Betty White special, but…] Whatever you want is fine. I think there’s a Betty White special on but I know there’s been a lot on her lately. Whatever you want is fine, I’m good with whatever.
See the Gut Triad there? They move quickly to accommodate their surroundings.
They dismiss their feelings.
They dismiss what they might think about a situation.
They just do it to get it over with so that harmony can be restored.
Why do they do that?
Motivations:
Core Fear: conflict, tension, discord, being in an unharmonious environment or relationship
Core Desire: Peace & stability, inside and out
Core weakness: sloth, merging with others & not developing the confidence or initiative to take ownership of their own desires, passions, and worth.
Core longing: "You matter. Your presence matters."
It all comes back to harmony, inside and out. In big and small ways, Enneagram 9s want it to be all good, and they'll sacrifice their feelings and thoughts and comfort for just that.
Every Enneagram type has 2 wings, which are the adjacent numbers. For the 9, that’s the 1 and the 8.
Wings act like personality crutches; when we’re leaning out of our dominant type, we lean into one of two wings - usually one more strongly than the other, but once in a great while we have a steady equilibrium of leaning on both wings an equal amount. They add to the flavor of our personality, like salt & pepper or sugar & spice, depending on how we use it.
9w1 - 9 with a 1 wing - is nicknamed The Dreamer: greatly desires an idyllic world and existence, quite principled, cerebral; cares about justice, integrity; excellent mediators because of their strong desire to do what’s right and noble.
9w8 - 9 with an 8 wing - is nicknamed The Comfort-Seeker: more assertive (usually on behalf of others), impactful in their advocacy for others because of their tender side, pursues comfort more than the Dreamer.
Every Enneagram type has a stress arrow & a security arrow; where we go when we’re our messy selves & where we go when we’re our comfortable (sometimes lazy) selves.
In average to heavy stress, 9s go to average-to-unhealthy traits of the Enneagram 6: anxious, craving and overly pursuing security, fixating on worst-case scenarios, reactive and defensive.
In blind-spot security (the lazy, I’ve-always-been-this-way self), 9s go to average-to-unhealthy traits of the Enneagram 3: staying too busy, trying to overachieve, not delegating, fixating on to-do lists, bragging about accomplishments, easily hurt when criticized.
The good news is — These stress & security arrows tell us when we’re not living as our best selves.
In growth, 9s go to average-to-healthy traits of the Enneagram 3: being confident in who they are, taking time to get to know themselves, staying on task through completion, sharing their knowledge & insights because they know the value they add.
In integration, 9s go to average-to-healthy traits of the Enneagram 6: courageous, believing in their true value, knowing their life’s purpose and standing firm in it from the inside-out.
Strengths: Kind, patient, loving, peaceful, affirming, supportive, warm, easy to spend time with, nonjudgmental
Struggles: forgetting they are a whole person with whole desires & passions, waiting too long to express anger & frustration (then it pops out like a firework out of its casing)
The 9 is considered a peacemaker & peacekeeper for good reason. Without their significant aversion to conflict, we might not know harmony. We all have a place in the world, and 9s - we need you! Thank you for going to Peace Camp & reminding us that peace is not just a far-off idea, but a possibility we can all carry with us into our everyday lives.
Does this sound like you? Or does it sound like someone you know?
Get the Typing Guide right here or in the form below. Figuring out your Enneagram number is a great way to start figuring out why you say, do & think the way you do. It’s a great way to learn that you’re not weird, you’re just you. And we need you.
Still looking for more? Shoot me an email & we can talk about coaching!