Knowing your Enneagram 6
In our Friday Crew, we learned a little something about Enneagram 6s.
The information gatherers.
The loyalists.
The guardians.
The most prepared one in your group.
The one who makes sure everyone is accounted for.
The hiking guide with extra socks.
The mom with extra snacks.
The one who scours the internet for THE SAFEST x/y/z.
The Enneagram 6.
This personality type is driven by fear/anxiety, but they either use it full-force to paralyze them, or they use it full-force to propel them.
Isn’t that so interesting?! The different way 6s use their fear/anxiety can actually show up as two different personality types (within the Enneagram). A counter-phobic 6, one who moves toward fear with force, can be mistyped as an 8 — but their motivations are completely different.
Neither end of the spectrum is wrong. Both can have healthy & unhealthy sides. It's just that the way the fear/anxiety is used depends on how they're built.
For the counter-phobic 6, fear is an obstacle to be stomped on. This person moves toward their fear with force, facing their worries/anxieties/fears head-on. They handle it before it handles them, you know what I mean?
For the phobic 6, fear is a monster under the bed. This person tends to be nervous, skeptical, cautious, compliant--anything to avoid danger.
The Enneagram 6 is smack-dab in the middle of the Head Triad.
These folks THINK before they feel or do, and this is especially true for 6s.
The Enneagram 6 goes through their mental register of what they know and what they might need to learn before making a decision. It can be paralyzing, but it can also be really powerful.
It is thought by many Enneagram experts and social science wisdom and knowledge that there are more 6s in the world than any other number. Which is why I frequently say—and honestly believer—Enneagram 6 humans run--the--world.
They are the secretaries who know what we need before we do. (Did you ever watch the West Wing? Mrs. Landingham is a perfect example of an Enneagram 6 who can run the world. Your high-level school secretary probably is, too.)
They are the Red Cross volunteers who carry the extra blankets to the fire.
They are the most cautious drivers who cause no accidents.
They are curious about the world and they prefer a higher authority to rely on/answer to in order to make sense of the world.
And they can be the most baseline kindest humans you'll ever meet, because they believe in alliances & community in order to be safe and secure.
Why is that?
Core Fear: being without support or guidance; fearing fear itself.
Core Desire: To have security, guidance & support
Core weakness: anxiety -- "I will make sure to have everything I could possibly need so that I am safe and secure."
Core longing: "You are safe."
This is the friend you might mock for overpacking, but you'll be grateful when you need a poncho, a set of batteries, or an extra cord to charge your device.
This is the friend who is unassuming, until you ask them a good question--then you will see how deep into the depths of deep they can go. Check your text threads with your 6 friends. Are they the longest? Mine are. AND I LOVE IT. You get this fascinating world into a whirlwind yet cautious brain that sees more of the potential world than the rest of us.
This is the friend who reads allllllllll the things and still might not have an answer because what if there is a better answer and I didn't see it? what if A happens but plans B and C won't cover it? I need a plan D. And an E, F, G...
They can be paralyzed out of decisions because they're constantly scanning the horizon, not only looking for disaster but also actively seeing, in their mind's eye, what could go wrong.
The Enneagram 6 is someone you want by your side because in all of this security-seeking, they are immensely loyal. They will see you with no judgment as they give you sound advice for your life, and they'll still be at your house helping you clean up your mess lo-oong after everyone has left.
Following through on your word will go the distance with a 6, especially one who has been betrayed in the past. And because of their loyalty factor (it's in their nickname!), the relationship will always feel two ways.
Every Enneagram type has two wings, which are the adjacent numbers. For the 6, that’s the 5 and the 7.
Wings act like personality crutches; when we’re leaning out of our dominant type, we lean into one of two wings - usually one more strongly than the other, but once in a great while we have a steady equilibrium of leaning on both wings an equal amount. They add to the flavor of our personality, like salt & pepper or sugar & spice, depending on how we use it.
6w5 - 6 with a 5 wing - is nicknamed The Defender. This personality combo is typically very organized, cerebral, knowledgeable about many things, serious about their core beliefs. Their headspace tendencies work well together, but this personality type can be in regular conflict over wanting security & alliance (6) but feeling the need to detach in order to preserve internal resources (5).
6w7 - 6 with a 7 wing - is nicknamed The Buddy. A sense of safety & security mixed with avoiding pain & boredom makes for an engaging, supportive, fun friend. This personality combo tends to be more relaxed, though can get stuck in anxiety when they want to have fun but feel too pressured to make a decision too quickly.
Side bar: The difference between a 6w5 and a 5w6 is the dominant type, because the dominant type determines the main motivation. The 6w5 predominantly pursues safety; the 5w6 predominantly pursues competency. So having the same #s in a wing combo (1w2 & 2w1 or 3w2 & 2w3, and so on), does not mean the personalities are expressed in the same way.
Every Enneagram type has a stress arrow & a security arrow; where we go when we’re our messy selves & where we go when we’re our comfortable (sometimes lazy) selves.
In average to heavy stress, 6s go to average-to-unhealthy traits of the Enneagram 3: non-stop achieving, non-stop to-do-listing, not delegating, not trusting anything or anyone to do what they think/see/know needs to be done.
In blind-spot security (the lazy, I’ve-always-been-this-way self), 6s go to average-to-unhealthy traits of the Enneagram 9: deal with stress by shutting down, more passive-aggressive.
The good news is — These stress & security arrows tell us when we’re not living as our best selves.
In growth, 6s go to average-to-healthy traits of the Enneagram 9: more relaxed, enjoying the present, emotionally peaceful.
In integration, 6s go to average-to-healthy traits of the Enneagram 3: more confident in their knowledge & ability to make good decisions, learning to trust themselves, move forward assertively but not forcefully.
Strengths: Loyal, observant, thoughtful, reliable, honest, objective.
Struggles: coming out of their heads, making decisions, trusting themselves.
The 6 is the safety net we all need. They keep us all on the right & safe path as we navigate the wilderness of life. We just want to make sure 6s know we’re there for them, too.
Does this sound like you? Or does it sound like someone you know?
Get the Typing Guide right here or in the form below. Figuring out your Enneagram number is a great way to start figuring out why you say, do & think the way you do. It’s a great way to learn that you’re not weird, you’re just you. And we need you.
Still looking for more? Shoot me an email & we can talk about coaching!