23: Friendship

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We have upset, upheaval, and unrest at almost every major turn in our world right now. And every keyboard warrior has the answer to every one of them.

One remedy I think we forget: friendship.

Caring for one another, yes. Acknowledging and embracing our shared humanity, yes. But friendship? Yes times a million. It’s the extra.

It’s the friend who will come for me. A friend who will go into the dark for me. A friend who will say, it’s okay that you got yourself lost, I’ll help you find your way. A friend who will say, I’m on my way. A friend who understands that wayfinding is not my strength but doesn’t tease me about it until I’m out of the woods - literally and not literally.

That is friendship.

And how well we would do if we leaned into that on a daily basis.

No matter your season of friendship — an awkward season, looking for a revival in that area, or are over-the-moon grateful for the friends in your life — listen in here or read right below!

 
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**What follows is most of episode 23: Friendship from the Praise Through It podcast. Listen here, or read on!

Two Septembers ago, I found myself lost in the woods. If you have a young daughter like me, you just started singing the song from Frozen II with that same title. Kristoff does it justice. I was too terrified at the time to sing it. I had had major sinus surgery 10 days prior, but it was our last chance for an incredible photo op. My husband was on his last flight assignment with the apache helicopter community and it would take him down the river that went through our area.

I had about 75 minutes of daylight left when I entered the trail.

I’m not what you’d call directionally skilled. Is that the nicest way I can put it for myself? (Laugh) I am directionally challenged. I’m the friend you send the North/South/East/West meme to. The one that says, ‘ummmm left or right?’ Because if the sun is not in the sky, I do not know! Anyway…

I made it to the point on the trail where we’d get the best photos. And by we, I mean me with my phone on the ground in the woodsy woods, and Greg and his pilot-friend Derek in the helicopter in the wide-open sky.

Me, by myself, in the woods on a cloudy day, near dusk.
Greg, with his friend, up in the sky.

So, I make it to the point and so do the pilots. I take 87 photos and a few videos, most of them pretty good, and some of which you can see in the show notes. And I head back to the car. Well, some time into that heading back, I realized I went in a circle, despite there being blue markers interspersed on trees throughout the trail, which I clearly did not know how to follow. So, I went around in that one circle. That happened at least one more time. I had called my dad, just to keep me company, but service kept going in and out so I also managed to terrify him, as well.

I’m really making my case to be your hiking mate, aren’t I? It’s okay. Listen, in a car, I might make wrong turns there, too, but I’ve made it around much of the east coast and some of Japan without a GPS. Oh, and Copenhagen and a little bit of Sweden. Still, on this day in September, I held Greg’s titanium flashlight so tight, juuuuust in case I had to whip it at someone who might try to hurt me. I was thinking, this is the kind of story you hear on the news, right? Woman makes horrible life choice to enter dark woods and … you fill in the blank.

Well, then Greg called, after he had landed and finished his post-flight stuff.

He heard my panic and said, “Walk toward the exit. I’ll head your way, and if you’re not out by the time I get there I’ll come in and find you.”

I get choked up just thinking about it. No matter how lost I got, I knew someone was coming for me. Bonus, someone I loved and trusted. No matter really at that point, just send someone, please. It was such a powerful thing, knowing that no matter what, if I ended up shrunk against a tree in the dark with my knees to my chest in total, paralyzing fear, someone was coming for me. Because that’s exactly what I pictured.

That is friendship.

He is my husband, but he is also my friend. A friend who will come for me. A friend who will go into the dark for me. A friend who will say, it’s okay that you got yourself lost, I’ll help you find your way. A friend who will say, I’m on my way. A friend who understands that wayfinding is not my strength but doesn’t tease me about it until I’m out of the woods - literally and not literally.

That is friendship.

And how well we would do if we leaned into that on a daily basis.

We need each other. We need our friends. We need our tangible, huggable, loveable, hold-hand-able friends.

People want to say that life is harder now than ever. That’s comparing apples to oranges, really. I mean, I think it would have been way harder to live with outhouses and chamber pots and a lack of general sanitation. I think it would have been way harder to live without refrigeration and electricity and immediate access to cereal and chocolate. But if we transported someone from that time to 2022, they’d look at our “smart” phones like they were from outer space and they’d probably go back to what they know. Because what makes life hard is the comparison to what we think makes life easy.

We have upset, upheaval, and unrest at almost every major turn in our world right now. And every keyboard warrior has the answer to every one of them.

One remedy I think we forget: friendship.

Caring for one another, yes. Acknowledging and embracing our shared humanity, yes. But friendship? Yes times a million. It’s the extra, you know what I mean?

It’s the going outside of yourself to care for another, for the entire season you’re with one another. It’s seeing or hearing something and saying, this would make her smile, and sending it. It’s listening to tears. It’s agape. It’s this story I read on one of those random FB threads:

A four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry.'

I guess that came from a contest author Leo Buscaglia had to judge once. They asked children ‘what is love’, and that story was told.

Friendship is being someone who says, I’m coming for you. I’ll walk into the dark to find you. I see you’re lost, let me help you. I see you’re struggling, let me carry something for you. And then sustaining that for the season you’re together.

Helping our neighbors is important. It’s a directive from scripture. It’s what connects us to one another on a broad, cultural level. But our conversation today is about friendship. The sustained relationship of walking with someone during a season of their life, whether that’s two weeks or seventy-five years.

The division these last two years have caused along not just political lines, but family and friend lines, is something that deeply saddens me. Sometimes I can just picture the devil sitting behind his computer screen, his legs kicked up on his desk, saying, I did it! Look what I did! While he gleefully sips his coffee.

One vital life necessity I think we need to protect amidst the continued division is our friendships. They are what will breathe new life into our struggling souls. They are what will enliven and inspire us to pick up and go the next step. They are what will bring us out of the dark. They are what will lift up our wilting hearts, steady our limping faith, and restore our sense of joy.

Now, listen, I know friendship can be messy. I was visiting with my best friend’s parents the other day and I mentioned that our Friendaversay was coming up next year, 20 years. Her dad said, really? Is that how long it’s been? I said, yep, 20 years ago, right after our freshman year of college. The Great Divide. We were a foursome that split up into two and two after some … things. You know what I mean.

Friendship can be messy. It can be hard to sustain. And it’s not always worth it with everyone. But, you and I both know that it is worth it with certain people, and it is 100% worth fighting for.

Our energy is low. Our tolerance level is low. Our care capacity is low. We’re all very, very tired. I know that. I get it. You should see me plop down on my coach at the end of the day.

But what a GIFT. What a gift friendship is. What a gift it is to have someone, and to be someone, who will go into the dark to find the friend who is lost.

I was going to write about breadcrumbs, little clues along your life’s path that you’re on the right track, and I thought that lost-in-the-woods story was a perfect lead-in. But when I got to the part about Greg telling me he was on his way, my heart shifted entirely toward friendship. Because that’s what friendship does. It softens us. It changes us. It molds us. It makes us stronger, it makes us better.

What’s true about friendship is that whole books have been written about it because we do such a great job of forgetting how to be true friends. We get in our own way. We get distracted. We miss the mark and we hurt each other, we forget each other.

Let’s not let that happen.

Let’s stick with each other. Let’s get out of our own worlds & connect with our friends. Let’s support each other. Let’s make each other laugh. Let’s use our gifts to do for our friends what they need or want. Let’s let each other cry. Let’s speak each other’s love languages. Let’s let curiosity win over judgment. Let’s take stock of who is in our life, who we want to stay, and then treat them that way.

Because what’s also true about friendship is how much of a gift from heaven it is to our lives.

What’s lovely about friendship is the way it makes you feel like you’re not alone, like you’re not crazy, and like you have people who have your back.

What’s praiseworthy about friendship is the way it makes your life better at every turn.

So there are two things I want you to do today.

One, call or text a friend and say, “Thank you for being a friend.” If you call, you can even sing it like the Golden Girls. And two, send this episode (or blog if you’re reading instead of listening) to one or more people you’ve been thinking of as you’ve listened or read. You won’t regret the connection that forms.

Thank you so much for choosing to spend time with me today. There are millions of voices in your podcast app & the fact that you chose here means a ton. I invite you to follow or subscribe if you’re not already. And tell your friends! You can leave a rating or review in your podcast app, or you can simply send this episode or another one to a friend. All of those things help podcasters big-time.

Before I send you away with a blessing for this week, I want to invite you to become part of my Monday and Friday crews. Mondays are when I send a blessing, a short, soulful meditation for you to start your week. My Friday Crew is for adulting tips framed by the Enneagram. I am a certified Enneagram Coach and I absolutely love helping people understand that they’re not weird, just human, and human on purpose. That’s what Friday Crew is for. Join both at elisapreston.com or head to the links in the show notes.

And I hope you’ll join me on Instagram - very simple, @elisapreston - where I have extra content for every podcast episode. This week I’m sharing different stories of friendship I find from around the world, and I’ll be asking you to share yours. So, join us!

You know who had a lot to say about friendship?

The cast of Winnie the Pooh.

Christopher Robin told Pooh, "Silly old bear, I won't ever forget about you." Winnie the Pooh said, “A day without a friend is like a pot without a single drop of honey left inside.” Piglet said, "It’s so much more friendly with two.” Even Eeyore shared the feelings. He said, “After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends.”

If Eeyore knows how valuable friends and friendship are, then there are no excuses. Let us be friends to one another. True, season-walking friends with one another. And let us receive the same gift as it comes back to us.

Today…

May your heart connect to a true, honest friend who is ready to go into the dark woods to find you when you’re lost.
May your life find meaning and purpose in the friendships God brings your way.
May the friends you surround yourself with be edifying, encouraging, life-giving, and refreshing.
And may our world be brighter, better, and stronger for the friendships we all make and keep.

Wishing you a week of delightful friendships. I’ll see you next time.

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