Day 46: I don't know.
/Today, a day that is after Jesus’ crucifixion and before his resurrection, is a great day to sit in the I don’t know of life.
The words and ideas of conviction, wisdom, and discernment are essential components of the Christian faith. They are biblical, important, and imperative for a strong walk of faith.
Also: much like I think we tend to make an idol out of belonging by searching for it all over God’s green earth, I think we make an idol out of knowing.
We know this and that. We are sure of this and that. We are convinced of this and that. Sometimes it’s from scripture, sometimes it’s from an influencer. Sometimes it’s from our parents, sometimes it’s from our friends. Wherever it comes from, we love knowing things.
I mean, I know I do. It is important to me that I am seen as competent and knowledgeable. Until I had a daughter who asks a bazillion questions a day, I was extremely uncomfortable saying I don’t know. Now it’s par for the course of my everyday because I cannot know the answers to all of her questions. And I’ve come to the conclusion: that’s okay.
It’s okay that I don’t know everything.
We’re comfortable not knowing the answer to a complicated math problem because we’re comfortable in our lack of Good Will Hunting-ness when it comes to math.
We’re comfortable not knowing what we’re having for dinner next Tuesday because we’ll figure that out when we meal plan this weekend.
We’re comfortable not knowing the weather next July when we hope to go on a family cruise because we are comfortable hoping and wishing and praying for sunshine and heat.
Conversely…
We’re totally uncomfortable saying I don’t know when it comes to anything we want to control... because we just know that if this then that and if that then this.
But we don’t know.
I don’t know that if I had a second child that he/she and AB would be the best of friends.
I don’t know that if someone else had won the 2016 election America would be different.
I don’t know that if someone else had won the 2020 election America would be different.
I don’t know that if I had stuck with my writing when I had 1,000 followers on WordPress in 2013 that I would have a book deal by now.
I don’t know what life would have been like if I had stayed in my hometown from 2006-2020.
I don’t know what life would have been like if we stayed in NC from 2021 until forever.
I don’t know that if Greg had gone to flight school right off the bat it would’ve been a better career path.
I don’t know … I don’t know … I don’t know.
I think the more comfortable we can get saying I don’t know and not romanticize what we think might have happened if things had gone differently, the more faithful we’ll be in our walk with God. Because the more we stand on I KNOW when we really don’t, the more we push each other away and the more we put ourselves on the throne - both unhealthy, unpleasant practices.
Saying I don’t know is a healthy practice, too. Recognizing how strong our emotions play into our choices is a healthy practice. Recognizing that we’re not the only ones with strong convictions matters, and then recognizing that sometimes our convictions rub against each other - that matters. It all comes together into a nice little opportunity to say: I don’t know. Let’s walk together while we figure it out. And when we figure out who was wrong and who was right, we can hold each other up and keep walking.
