A week ago today, I was recovering from two 24-hour travel days within the span of four days. Monday morning, we started out for California at 5 a.m. We got to CA at 1 a.m. (4 a.m. Eastern Standard Time).
Thursday of last week, we left the hotel at 3 a.m. (Pacific Standard Time), and got home to NY at midnight (9 p.m. Pacific Standard Time).
It was a lot of travel, but it was a fantastic, would-take-again-in-a-heartbeat kind of trip. Which feels weird to say, because we went out to CA to support two members of our extended family who lost their wife/mom. One of my aunts lost her battle with cancer. So it was a heartbreaking reason to travel 3,000 miles. And we made the best of it.
While my 6-year-old drew, read, watched shows on our tablet, listened to audio books, told stories with her stuffies, and treated each airport gate like her own personal dance studio, I read a book: RAISING WORRY-FREE GIRLS by Sissy Goff.
I now believe that book should be required reading for anyone raising a girl. I also saw parallels in the adult lives of men and women around me: trouble sleeping; fixating on certain thoughts; restlessness; and more.
I’ve been asked a few times if certain Enneagram types are prone more to worry than others. The answer is a nuanced yes, because some personality types might fixate on and outwardly express their anxiety more than others, but as human beings living in a complicated world, we are all prone to anxiety. Depending on your personality type, though, you’ll express it differently and you’ll need different tools in your bag to work yourself through it.
Remember: it’s okay that you don’t handle your feelings of anxiety the same as someone else. It’s all one big learning curve. All of life is one big learning curve. Steeper at times than others, but if we adopt a curious, compassionate approach to learning how to be good humans, it won’t feel so bad.
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Enneagram 1
Motivated by: being good & right
Expresses anxiety by: trying to control every. little. possible. thing. under their radar. Anxiety is typically categorized as a negative emotion, which can send average-to-unhealthy Enneagram 1s into a tailspin of shame, since feeling negative emotions is considered “bad”.
Tool to keep in your back pocket: Pay close attention to what sends your mind & body into an anxious fit. Use what you learn to find the thing behind the thing, then you can problem solve at the source. “Problem-solving” all of your externals will only crowd out the people who love you & want to help.
Enneagram 2
Motivated by: being helpful in order to be appreciated
Expresses anxiety by: Restlessly trying to stay busy, especially if it’s helping someone and keeps the focus off of themselves.
Tool to keep in your back pocket: Put your phone on silent. Engage in a quiet, solo activity for at least an hour.
Enneagram 3
Motivated by: status & respect
Expresses anxiety by: Tirelessly focusing on any and all tasks within reach, and even on some that aren’t.
Tool to keep in your back pocket: Set a time of the day when you completely disconnect from your work for the rest of the day. Commit to that disconnect. Be sure to leave time and space between the end of work and bedtime.
Enneagram 4
Motivated by: authenticity, uniqueness
Expresses anxiety by: Being stuck in a melancholy disposition whereas all pain and frustration is generalized to almost everything in his/her life.
Tool to keep in your back pocket: Work on objective observations so you can separate what is awful & anxiety-producing from what is good. Then, focus on what is good and see how far you can generalize that instead of the anxiety.
Enneagram 5
Motivated by: competency & capability
Expresses anxiety by: furiously researching; loading up Amazon cart with books; buying books or whatever is in tune with their favorite hobby.
Tool to keep in your back pocket: Physical exercise. Being stuck in your head so much means that the brain chemicals can get all wonky and out of whack; physical exercise brings those back into equilibrium.
Enneagram 6
Motivated by: safety & security
Expresses anxiety by: deep-diving into the belief system or set of alliances that make them feel secure.
Tool to keep in your back pocket: Practice writing down or listing in your head what in your life is true, good, right, noble, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. No matter how much you set yourself inside a system, nothing is fail-safe. But shifting your thought patterns away from fear and anxiety can be a game-changer.
Enneagram 7
Motivated by: fun, avoiding pain and boredom
Expresses anxiety by: avoiding anything that feels too heavy for them. Using strong language and physicality to express frustration in large amounts of venting.
Tool to keep in your back pocket: Repeat to yourself & meditate on this idea: “I can do anything for a little while that I don’t have to do forever.”
Enneagram 8
Motivated by: feeling strong, avoiding weakness & vulnerability
Expresses anxiety by: Attempting to take even more control and showing even less vulnerability. May become robot-like, in an angry way.
Tool to keep in your back pocket: Choose one or two safe places of people who will tell you the truth. Be honest with them about your thoughts and feelings. Receive the honest feedback they give you. Problem solve from there.
Enneagram 9
Motivated by: peacemaking & peacekeeping, internally & externally
Expresses anxiety by: Becoming either more tired or more scattered, depending on their lifestyle.
Tool to keep in your back pocket: Set your phone to silent for 20-30 uninterrupted minutes. Take five deep breaths. Let yourself just be there for the rest of the time.
More for you…
My favorite Enneagram assessments:
FREE Your Enneagram Coach (faith-based)
FREE Truity Enneagram Personality test (not faith-based)
Paid: RHETI Institute
Remember: Assessments are a *component* of figuring out your Enneagram type, but reading type descriptions is really how to nail it down.
Get the Typing Guide right here or in the form below. Figuring out your Enneagram number is a great way to start figuring out why you say, do & think the way you do. It’s a great way to learn that you’re not weird, you’re just you. And we need you.
Still looking for more? Shoot me an email & we can talk about coaching!