I had walked into the room, knowing I wasn’t liked by the person in there, because I had to drop something off.

“Here you go,” I said. I put the items on the table and then walked out. I got about five paces out of her space when I realized I had accidentally set down my other stack. Ugh, I had to go back.

I tried to walk quickly in and out, head down, grab my papers and make a hasty exit. But I heard her. Complaining about me. Gossiping about me. Degrading me, my presence, and my profession.

I still made that hasty exit but I also talked myself down all the way back to my office. I literally shook it off by shaking my head in exasperation. She didn’t like me and I knew it and I couldn’t change it. We had clashed in a bad way and I didn’t really have the energy to work to change it.

I don’t really know if I did a good job back then of handling that with grace. I was told I did by a few people who saw it, but I don’t want to act like a saint here with you. I’m human. I’ll tell you what I wish I had done, though. I wish I had loved her in the background.

“But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:44-45.

If you’ll remember, another time in Matthew when Jesus tells us that we’ll be called children of the Father is when we have the disposition of a peacemaker. Peacemaking and loving those who don’t love us … hmmmmmm. [insert thinking emoji here]

After the Charleston Nine were murdered out of pure racism and hatred, their family came right out and said: we forgive you. That is some might, some warrior-like strength that they could have only gotten from Christ himself. So sometimes we take a note from that kind of display and we love our enemies out loud, we forgive our enemies out loud.

You know what else we can do? We can love our enemies in the background. That counts, too. We pray for them. We don’t wish them ill. We either remain neutral or we are glad for their successes. We give them space and don’t poke the bear. We aren’t anti-[insert enemy name here]. We refrain from gossiping about them. We don’t go crying to just anyone who will listen about this grievance we have against our enemy. We stay on our own mission, we have a trusted friend who will listen with an empathetic ear and an accountable heart. We keep our minds on things above, where the Messiah is.

When we do all of the above, we can’t help but have our hearts softened.

Sometimes, forgiveness and loving one’s enemies calls for bringing them a meal or public praise or other ways of out-front loving them. But even when that’s not the case — even when we don’t have to see our enemies ever again — the heart’s position still matters. It’s what God sees, and it’s the source of our own lives, our own joy, successes, words and thoughts and actions.

When I keep my heart in the right place all the time, I have a better chance of it staying there when a storm or an enemy or my own ridiculousness threatens its stability. When I keep my heart focused on my creator and the son he sent to save me, I can love my enemies — sometimes out loud and sometimes in the background — but always in a way that gives me that children of our Father in heaven title, which is something I really, really want.

It’s okay if you can’t love your enemies out loud today. If that’s the case, do it in the background. When someone wrongs you—on the personal, family, community, state, national, or global level—love them in the background. Pray for them. Don’t wish them ill will. Don’t call them names. Don’t make it a point to call them out on social media. Love as Jesus loves, which is what we’re called to anyway.

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