Approaching Friendship for each Enneagram Type
In Friday Crew, we talked about how different personality types approach friendship differently.
Remember when you were 5 years old? If someone else was 5, or around 5, they were pretty much immediately your friend.
They had to jive with your flow, enough to not disrupt your fun.
They had to smile — friendliness is key.
And they had to share — playing with all the things is also key.
Then we’re grown-ups and all of a sudden we don’t know how to make friends. Or, we know how to make friends, but we’ve never really paid attention to the nuts and bolts of it.
Why does it matter?
In the Friday Crew email, I give the example of going to an ice cream shop and wanting to order your usual. Well this time they don’t have your usual & you have to order something else.
I don’t know what else I want; I always just get the pistachio.
But why do you like the pistachio? Is it the color? The sweet & salty? The extra nuts in there?
You have to know why so you can choose a suitable replacement. Then you have another delightful, enjoyable flavor to add to your ice cream repertoire.
Now, I’m not suggesting you replace your friends. What I am suggesting is that knowing how and why you approach friendships the way you can help add flavor and depth to your life. Flavor in the sense that you’ll know when to pursue new friendships, based on your increased self-awareness. And depth because your current friendships can only improve as you learn more about why you already jive with them.
Check out specifics below of how each Enneagram type approaches friendship. Bonus: a friend pick-up line you might hear from each type.
***And don’t forget to listen to the Praise Through It podcast on Monday 3/21 — a little note on friendships, what they do for us, and why we need them.
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Enneagram 1:
Motivation: Being good
Looks for in a friend: integrity, truth, trust
Friendly behavior: inspires integrity, encourages doing the right thing, always has a clean & welcoming home, likes teaching
Friend pick-up line: I can teach you how to do that if you want.
Enneagram 2:
Motivation: Being helpful in order to be appreciated & loved
Looks for in a friend: kindness, authenticity
Friendly behavior: first to sign up on a meal train, shows up with or sends a care package, will go the extra mile for you every time (if you let her)
Friend pick-up line: What do you need?
Enneagram3:
Motivation: Earning/achieving success, status & respect
Looks for in a friend: sharp wit, respectful
Friendly behavior: cheerleading, doing things for you, helping you across the finish line
Friend pick-up line: Here, let me do that for you.
Enneagram 4:
Motivation: Authenticity, being accepted for their authentic selves
Looks for in a friend: kindness, authenticity, appreciation for quirkiness
Friendly behavior: going to / doing unique events / activities with you, listening, making you something (food or craft)
Friend pick-up line: Now that’s cool.
Enneagram 5:
Motivation: To be competent & capable.
Looks for in a friend: genuine care, honesty, independence
Friendly behavior: listening, being honest, offering insight (whether you ask for it or not)
Friend pick-up line: What’s going on?
Enneagram 6:
Motivation: To be safe & secure, and to create an environment of safety & security.
Looks for in a friend: trustworthy, loyalty, honesty
Friendly behavior: Showing up, expressing deep gratitude, offering deep insight when asked for it
Friend pick-up line: I brought you this (pulls out something you didn’t even know you needed but also wonder how you’ve gone without it for so long).
Enneagram 7:
Motivation: Avoiding pain & boredom.
Looks for in a friend: fun, independent, easy
Friendly behavior: planning events, doing fun-to-them activities, laughing, throwing parties
Friend pick-up line: That’ll be fun! Let’s go have some fun!
Enneagram 8:
Motivation: Avoid powerlessness, impose justice.
Looks for in a friend: trustworthiness, intelligence, socially conscious
Friendly behavior: trusting you, proving you can trust them, giving meaningful gifts, being honest, cheering you on
Friend pick-up line: I need you to (do the thing that they’re hoping they can trust you with).
Enneagram 9:
Motivation: Making & keeping the peace.
Looks for in a friend: kindness, a lack of rigidity, calming energy
Friendly behavior: listening, asking questions about your life, remembering details about your life, spending time with you
Friend pick-up line: If you think of it, that would be great. If not, no worries at all.
Get the Typing Guide right here or in the form below. Figuring out your Enneagram number is a great way to start figuring out why you say, do & think the way you do. It’s a great way to learn that you’re not weird, you’re just you. And we need you.
Still looking for more? Shoot me an email & we can talk about coaching!