Fear & Your Enneagram Type
One thing I love about the Enneagram is how it shows us how NOT WEIRD we all are.
I mean, Enneagram 4s often take pride in being weird. But in my context, I mean the Enneagram shows us how HUMAN we are. How OKAY it all is. How we might not be okay because we’re broken human beings, but that’s okay because most of us don’t want to stay that way. We want to move. We want forward movement, personal evolution & growth.
One things we have to leap over in that forward movement is FEAR. That tough thing that keeps us from living wholly, presently, and abundantly.
Two summers ago, my daughter & I were at the ocean -- our happy place. She was still small enough for a piggie-back ride, so that's where she was while I stood at the shoreline and we "jumped" waves.
Sometimes those waves would rush over her head, covering her in salt water.
"Nope! I'm done, Mommy. I'm done now."
Words tumbled out of my mouth that I've come to live and parent by:
Fear cannot be the last feeling you feel here.
Fear cannot be the last feeling.
It can be part of the story, but it can't be the whole story.
It can give an inch, but it can't take a mile.
It's welcome at the table, but it's not in charge.
Now, for some personality types, fear is more easily accessed than others:
While Enneagram 7s jump out of airplanes or ride their dirt bike into unknown territory, Enneagram 6s are back at home base planning for every disaster possible.
While Enneagram 8s tackle conflict like they were *literally* born for it, Enneagram 9s slink away like a kind little snake afraid of getting stepped on.
Remember: IT'S ALL OKAY.
Approaching fear differently doesn't make one right way, or one wrong way. But knowing *how* we approach fear and what our deep-seated self is afraid of-- that's the key.
The key to not letting it win.
The key to living with it but not letting it live within you.
The key to giving it a voice (fear keeps us safe!) but not letting it have a megaphone.
So how does each Enneagram type typically experience fear?
And how can they overcome it?
Enneagram 1
Motivated by: being good & right
Fears: Afraid you'll never be able to get everything just right so that you're good enough.
Overcomes it by: Remembering that there are too many external factors to make anything "just right", so you're good enough today.
One practical step for today: Let one mistake go today. Literally, write down what you consider a “bad” mistake, and either burn it or toss it in the trash.
Enneagram 2
Motivated by: being helpful in order to be appreciated
Fears: Afraid you'll never be able to help enough in order to be useful, appreciated, and loved in a way that'll fill your cup.
Overcomes it by: Remembering that you are loved & appreciated whether or not you clean up the spilled milk.
One practical step for today: Ask (out loud) for something you need, and say ‘no’ to something you do not have the capacity for.
Enneagram 3
Motivated by: status & respect
Fears: Afraid you'll never be able to do enough in order to do enough to prove your worth.
Overcomes it by: Remembering that your worth is inherent, not externally rewarded.
One practical step for today: Tell nobody about what you accomplished today.
Enneagram 4
Motivated by: authenticity, uniqueness
Fears: Afraid you'll never be able to be comfortable enough in your own authenticity to be loved & content.
Overcomes it by: Remembering and walking in the fact that your authenticity is a gift for others--and for yourself.
One practical step for today: Wear your favorite outfit with pride & confidence.
Enneagram 5
Motivated by: competency & capability
Fears: Afraid you'll never be able to know enough in order to know how to properly live your life & all the elements of it.
Overcomes it by: Remembering that there will always be more to learn, and that balancing faith & fact is healthy.
One practical step for today: Do not pick up your phone to research a random fact when it pops into your consciousness. Let that one ride.
Enneagram 6
Motivated by: safety & security
Fears: Afraid you'll never know & prepare enough in order to be completely safe & certain of your days.
Overcomes it by: Remembering that there will always be unknown elements in your life, and that one step of forward action today can be enough.
One practical step for today: Leave the house with one less snack today.
Enneagram 7
Motivated by: fun, avoiding pain and boredom
Fears: Afraid you'll never be free enough to live life exactly as you see fit.
Overcomes it by: Remembering that discomfort is temporary, and that anything is still possible.
One practical step for today: Reduce one expectation today.
Enneagram 8
Motivated by: feeling strong, avoiding weakness & vulnerability
Fears: Afraid you'll never be able to trust others enough in order to rest in their care & concern for you.
Overcomes it by: Remembering that we are all humans doing the best we can for each other.
One practical step for today: Forgive someone.
Enneagram 9
Motivated by: peacemaking & peacekeeping, internally & externally
Fears: Afraid you'll get stuck in a conflict that disconnects you from the people & experiences that make your life good.
Overcomes it by: Remembering that healthy conflict can be a bridge builder.
One practical step for today: Tell someone you love & trust how you feel or a decision you’ve made.
My favorite Enneagram assessments:
FREE Your Enneagram Coach (faith-based)
FREE Truity Enneagram Personality test (not faith-based)
Paid: RHETI Institute
Remember: Assessments are a *component* of figuring out your Enneagram type, but reading type descriptions is really how to nail it down.
Get the Typing Guide right here or in the form below. Figuring out your Enneagram number is a great way to start figuring out why you say, do & think the way you do. It’s a great way to learn that you’re not weird, you’re just you. And we need you.
Still looking for more? Shoot me an email & we can talk about coaching!