Knowing your 2s
Knowing your Enneagram 2
In our Friday Crew, we learned a little something about Enneagram 2s.
The 2 is the person who will ask about your feelings. And when they look you in the eyes, good luck hiding anything!
They’re the ones who will be your reliable friend. Your supportive advisor. Your helper.
Enneagram 2s.
The ones who teach us that generosity matters.
The ones who remind us that helping one another is the right thing to do.
The ones who teach us that self-sacrificial love and care is both necessary and potentially harmful.
The ones who feel everyone’s feelings, deeply and truly and regularly.
The one who says, "How can I help?" when she’s at a party or the one who says: “How are you feeling?”
The Enneagram 2 has spent her life trying to be as helpful as she can be. This is admirable and makes our world such a better place! Also, it has resulted in Enneagram 2s often feeling like they are unworthy of love and acceptance apart from the help they give. Without some good heart work, that doesn’t change.
The Enneagram 2 is the start of the Heart Triad.
These folks FEEL before they think or do.
The Enneagram 2 feels a lot of feelings, and they don’t just feel their own. Their empathy for others is very high, which can be exhausting (though they won’t often show it). If healthy boundaries are in place, they can distance themselves some from the source of the big feelings so that too much doesn’t drain out of them before they can take care of themselves & their closest people. If healthy boundaries are not in place, the feelings and energy of an Enneagram 2 can go pretty wonky and wild.
For example:
Imagine if you were asked to help a family member who had just had surgery fold her laundry. No matter your Enneagram number, you’re likely to say yes because you’re a kind human. I don’t know you; I’m just assuming. It’s the motivation behind the helping that distinguishes the Enneagram 2:
Of course I’ll help oh my gosh, you just had surgery. How are you doing? How are you feeling? You’ve been through so much, I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through that.
See the Heart Triad there? They offer help because the feelings are so big.
She hurts, I hurt.
They have a hard time getting out of their feelings, and, importantly: they have a hard time getting out of their feelings in order to set boundaries.
Even when they feel overrun, they’ll keep running.
Even when they feel out of energy to help, they’ll go until they feel like they’ll collapse.
Why do they do that?
Motivations:
Core Fear: being rejected, unwanted; being thought worthless or needy
Core Desire: To be appreciated, loved & wanted
Core weakness: pride -- denying their own needs & emotions so they can focus on others' needs and emotions, thus inserting themselves into others' needs with their help and insight.
Core longing: "You are wanted and loved."
It all comes back to being helpful & kind. Enneagram 2s want the world to be a less crazy, more kind, more helpful place. They sometimes have a hard time understanding how people don’t see others’ needs like they do, because for them, other people’s needs are in plain sight. What’s not in plain sight are their own needs, and it’s the major heart work of the Enneagram 2 to separate the help they give from the worth they inherently have; to do that, they must recognize their own need for care, concern & help from time to time. Because guess what, Enneagram 2s? Your people love you & want to help you!
Every Enneagram type has two wings, which are the adjacent numbers. For the 1, that’s the 9 and the 2.
Wings act like personality crutches; when we’re leaning out of our dominant type, we lean into one of two wings - usually one more strongly than the other, but once in a great while we have a steady equilibrium of leaning on both wings an equal amount. They add to the flavor of our personality, like salt & pepper or sugar & spice, depending on how we use it.
2w1 - 2 with a 1 wing - is nicknamed The Servant: An incredibly strong desire to help and to be seen as good puts this personality type in a more controlled, serious state. Tends to combine principles, values, and relational warmth to form a welcoming disposition.
2w3 - 2 with a 3 wing - is nicknamed The Host/Hostess. The helper mixed with the achiever makes this person an outgoing, encouraging, affirming human. More overt in their desire to help using their time, talents & treasures as they have a high desire to be liked.
Side bar: The difference between a 2w1 and a 1w2 is the dominant type, because the dominant type determines the main motivation. The 1w2 predominantly pursues righteousness; the 2w1 predominantly pursues acceptance. So having the same #s in a wing combo (1w2 & 2w1 or 3w2 & 2w3, and so on), does not mean the personalities are expressed in the same way.
Every Enneagram type has a stress arrow & a security arrow; where we go when we’re our messy selves & where we go when we’re our comfortable (sometimes lazy) selves.
In average to heavy stress, 2s go to average-to-unhealthy traits of the Enneagram 8: feeling taken advantage of, you’ll hear them say things like, I’m done helping! or After all I’ve done for you… They can turn into bulldozers or explosions with their feelings of hurt & frustration.
In blind-spot security (the lazy, I’ve-always-been-this-way self), 2s go to average-to-unhealthy traits of the Enneagram 4: being open about their feelings and needs, though usually in an overly sensitive way. Potentially moody and temperamental.
The good news is — These stress & security arrows tell us when we’re not living as our best selves.
In growth, 2s go to average-to-healthy traits of the Enneagram 4: taking care of their own needs, understanding their motives for helping aren’t always pure, accepting painful feelings for what they are.
In integration, 2s go to average-to-healthy traits of the Enneagram 8: owning their concern for others as a strength without caring about others’ opinion of them, expressing hurt feelings in a constructive way (instead of being passive-aggressive), independent & self-affirming.
Strengths: Helpful, kind, relational, sensitive & empathetic to others’ feelings, optimistic, joyful.
Struggles: setting boundaries, drained quickly, prioritize others’ needs above their own too often, feeling neglected & resentful when others don’t recognize their needs (even though they haven’t worked to express them).
The 2 is considered a supportive advisor because they take good care of the heart of the world. And that is a beautiful, necessary thing. We just want to make sure that 2s know how valuable they are aside from the feelings they feel and the help they give.
Does this sound like you? Or does it sound like someone you know?
Get the Typing Guide right here or in the form below. Figuring out your Enneagram number is a great way to start figuring out why you say, do & think the way you do. It’s a great way to learn that you’re not weird, you’re just you. And we need you.
Still looking for more? Shoot me an email & we can talk about coaching!